another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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