You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
soo... how was my night?
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