So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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