So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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