If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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