eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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