So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
