ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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