I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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