I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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