Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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