so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
