Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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