i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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