She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Text me some of your sweat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
