I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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