Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
