sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
