so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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