No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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