I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
