I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
