How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
