Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I will die if light touches me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
