Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize