note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What a dumb baby whore.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
