You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
