please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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