So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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