god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
