Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
