Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize