i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
