I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
