Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
