before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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