is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
