it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
