Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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