**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
