And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize