Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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