Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
