Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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