I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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