its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
