I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
