at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
North Korea, Best Korea!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
