I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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