we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
