I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
