dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
