I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
