I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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