Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
