I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
