I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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