Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
