i need an iv and a liver transplant
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
