why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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