How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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