Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
