Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
