He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
