All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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