wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
