I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
