spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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