Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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