The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The uberlube is also flammable
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
