Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You pole danced in your parka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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