Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just invented taco cereal.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
