I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
